key-growth

What can you be in control of and responsible for in communication?

Tue, 15 Aug 2023 00:06:11 GMT

What are you in control of in communication?

Think about that for a few moments before reading on.

The Insight

The typical answers are Body language - Tone - Word Choice. Often left out is another key one we can control, being present (aka Listening).

Have you ever felt like you did it all those things in communication perfectly, and your communication did not land how you expected? Yep. We all have. We can't control what they have going on with their experience over there. However, we can be responsible for our communication.

The Practice

Being responsible for our communication can certainly start with body language, tone, and word choice. However, the two keys to being responsible for communication are:

Stating our intention. Not being clear about why we are conversing or asking questions can cause confusion or upset.
Making sure the communication was gotten. Check in to see if they heard what you intended or what they intended.

The Mirror

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 21:14:02 GMT

The Question:

"Why is it so hard for me to be understanding when others screw up?"

The Insight

This is a recent question from a participant in a law firm team going through the Leadership & Communication Course. I get a comment or variation of this question in every course. I call this insight the 'The Mirror.' I asked him how hard you are on yourself when you make a mistake. His answer was "Brutal." We don't have to look far to see why we are the way we are with others. We can't be perfect, but we are perfect in our humanity.

The Practice

Notice when you do not have much generosity or forgiveness in situations for others.
Now look in the mirror and see if you have generosity or forgiveness for yourself in a similar circumstance. We often don't.
Start by giving yourself grace. That will open the door for you to be different with others.

The Value of Trust When It Comes to Leadership and How to Create It

gary@keygrowthcoaching.com (Gary Malcolm) — Sat, 24 Dec 2022 00:48:20 GMT

Trust is Earned, Right?

The Value of Trust When It Comes to Leadership and How to Create It

How valuable is trust in leadership? Studies have shown that trust is the number one impact on the inefficiency of companies, but we probably didn’t need studies to tell us that. Without giving much thought to it at all, we’d likely say “very important.” Given a scale of 1 to 10, we would probably average somewhere between 9 to 10. At least, that’s what my course participants have rated when asked.

What makes a leader or leadership trustworthy? Indeed, most would say some version of doing what they say they are going to do or expected to by virtue of the given responsibility. Add in reliability as a key trait. Other things may come to mind, but ultimately they are likely to fall into the ‘being your word’ bucket.

Trust is Earned?

We have always heard that trust is earned, and that’s right, right? Pick someone to have in mind that you do not trust or something about them that you don’t trust. It could be as simple as not trusting that person to be on time. Be sure it’s someone you can see that you could or even would like to trust again. Not someone you won’t forgive; forgiveness is a cousin to trust but different.

Now that you have someone in mind, when will you trust them? Is it when they have done something to earn that trust back ten times, 100 times? Or is it a date on the calendar that if they don’t break that trust by then, you will trust them? Hard to put a finger on it. We don’t walk around keeping tabs on the trust debit account, do we?

Consider that trust is not earned. There is no milestone you can point to for others and say, “yep, trust is earned.”. That’s because trust is given. Not earned. Whether it is us trusting others or others trusting an organization or us, it is something we give. It is a given commodity that we do not take lightly.

Creating Trust

If trust is given and not earned, is all hope for having trust lost? No. Fortunately, it can be created. We can start by measuring, simply asking if trust is present. Asking those around us whom we can count on to give us a straight answer. Organizations can ask those within the organization if trust is present. A client sent out an in-depth anonymous employee survey, which got an objective look at how trust and satisfaction are viewed by employees from the top down. Asking if trust is present is also key in creating it. Distinct from ‘earning’ trust, there are simple ways to create it, and checking in is one of them. What is important is not that the affirmation of trust is present but looking for what is missing where it is not. An example might be; not being trusted to be on time for meetings or, as an organization, meetings don’t reliably start on time.

Another way to create trust is the same quality we see in leadership and being a leader. Be an example of being your word. Take the actions you or the organization say to accomplish. Let’s also acknowledge that we can not always be our word as individuals or organizations. However, we can always be responsible for it. Rather than stepping over a breakdown of our word, it is the opportunity to honor our word by acknowledging what happened and stating what will happen now. Even if that is to say, it won’t happen.

The final piece in creating trust may not be as apparent as checking in or being your word. What happens when others want to contribute or collaborate with you genuinely? If we look at those occurrences, it inherently creates trust through a sense of connectedness. When we are interested in others and willing to contribute and collaborate, that may be the fastest way to build trust with individuals. For organizations, a culture of leadership that looks for ways to contribute to the team and foster collaborative efforts is key to creating trust.

Takeaway and Practice

The takeaway or practice for creating trust certainly can start by noticing for ourselves whether trust is present or not in our or the organization’s quality of behavior. But don’t get stuck in your head! Checking in with others is critical to see the blind spots or if what you see is confirmed.

Do what we say or are expected, both as an individual or organization, and be responsible for it when we are not. There will be those times.

Be interested in looking for ways to contribute and collaborate. An excellent place to start is by asking them how you or the organization can do that.

Remember that trust is given. If it’s not present, there is an unwillingness to give it; consider a conversation a great place to create it.

What does leadership look like to you?

gary@keygrowthcoaching.com (Gary Malcolm) — Fri, 11 Nov 2022 00:59:17 GMT

The Question:

What does leadership look like to you?

The Insight

There are a lot of answers to this question, but a pillar answer from course participants tends to be ‘Doing what you say you are going to do.’ AND that is not always possible. However, you can always be responsible for it.

The Practice

When we can’t be our words as a leader, we can still be responsible for it.

That might look like, “I said I was doing X by Friday, and it will not be. It will be done by Tuesday.”, rather than stepping over it.

Resisting requests or direction

gary@keygrowthcoaching.com (Gary Malcolm) — Thu, 13 Oct 2022 20:13:30 GMT

The Question:

How do you respond to direction or request communication? Have you ever noticed resistance or avoidance?

The Insight

Well, you are not alone. A course participant said she responds to important requests first. When I asked how she determined the ‘what was important or not order,’ she smiled big and said, “Mine!”. We often prioritize direction and request that we enjoy doing or from people we like and respect more. Or put it off if it is a tough, uncomfortable thing to do, even if it ultimately is not that difficult.

The Practice

Notice when you are resisting or avoiding responding to direction or requests.
Take a new action by prioritizing by when the request / direction comes in or is due.
Don't be afraid to counter or respond with alternatives.

Being on time?

gary@keygrowthcoaching.com (Gary Malcolm) — Thu, 06 Oct 2022 00:28:17 GMT

The Question:

I asked participants in my Leadership & Communication course, “What do you think about when others show up late to meetings or appointments?”

The Insight:

Each answered with some variation that they felt disrespected or lacked respect for their time. Not an ideal leadership trait. Then surprise! When I asked if they were on time for everything barring unforeseen circumstances. Only one of the six responded that they were. This prompted an ‘ah-ha’ moment that led to further inquiry about how we could show up as leaders to others and the impact.

The Practice:

Now with this awareness, as leaders, we can practice making new choices about being on time and what we do when we are not. Such as letting the other party know as soon as we know we will be late.

key-growth

What can you be in control of and responsible for in communication?

What are you in control of in communication?

The Mirror

The Question:

"Why is it so hard for me to be understanding when others screw up?"

The Value of Trust When It Comes to Leadership and How to Create It

Trust is Earned, Right?

What does leadership look like to you?

The Question:

What does leadership look like to you? ﻿

Resisting requests or direction

The Question:

How do you respond to direction or request communication? Have you ever noticed resistance or avoidance?

Being on time?

The Question:

I asked participants in my Leadership & Communication course, “What do you think about when others show up late to meetings or appointments?”

What does leadership look like to you?